SECTION II - FAMILY ISSUES
Promoting Pagan Family Values - Selene Silverwind
Consider a Sandbox Earth Altar - BabooKyra
"WITCH TIT?" "MY RITE TIT!" - BabooKyra
Kyle's First Ritual (Age 6) - Alywn
Promoting Pagan Family Values
By Selene Silverwind
Slvrwind@aol.com
Whew! It's Beltane again already. How does it get here so quickly every year? I
still haven't taken my crown from last year off the bed. But then again, why should
I? I celebrate Beltane's themes every day. And right after Beltane comes the season
of picnics, parties, and fun, fun, fun.
Given the reputation of the faeries for being the cream of the frolicking crop, what
better time to talk about them than the frolicking days of late Spring,. Many a
child longs to see a faery in person. A good way to attract the faeries is to leave
them gifts. First you'll need to find a suitable place for an offering. I suggest a
plant in your backyard or in a pot on your patio. I've seen plants Fairy Roses and
Baby's Breath recommened for those who wish to honor the faeries, but any plant your
children feel drawn to would work just as well. Make it a practice to go out to the
plant nightly and place an offering under it so the faeries will know they are welcome
in your home. Faeries like chocolate for sure, but have your children try different
things to see which works best. This may even be an opportunity to teach them how to
use the scientific method.
Long before I started elementary school, the tradition of dancing the Maypole had
ceased in California's public schools. I think it's time to bring the tradition back
to schools everywhere. Most playgrounds have the perfect poles already erected. You
just need to get a little creative with them. I am, of course, referring to the
tetherball pole. Use the janitor's ladder to climb up and attach the ribbons, then
lead the children through the traditional Maypole dance. Play a waltz to keep the
rhythm, but don't be surprised if total chaos ensues. Even we Witches can't seem to
make a Maypole dance orderly. After the dance, while the children snack on apple
juice and sugar cookies decorated with colored sprinkles, explain that they reenacted
an ancient European custom that celebrated life. Leave out the fertility ritual
part. You don't need calls from angry parents who think you're teaching sex ed.
And now I will tell you all the best party I've ever had. I held it two years ago
and it's still discussed by my friends. It was none other than an Alice in Wonderland
Un-Birthday Party. Just make sure you don't have it on somebody's birthday! First
off, ask all your friends and neighbors to dress as characters from "Alice in
Wonderland." If you need more characters, break out "Through the Looking Glass" as
well. I know my friends pretty well, so I felt comfortable assigning them characters
I knew they would get into. You might want to do this too, to prevent too many Alices
and not enough Hatters (every unbirthday party needs a Hatter). It might be fun to
have all the neighborhood children dress as cards and their parents as characters, or
the other way around. But don't let this be a children only party! Now, onto the
actual party. First make yourself an upside down cake. I used brownies that I
flipped onto the plate upside down without cutting them first. Write "Eat Me" across
the back in frosting. You will also need a lot of teacups and a variety of teas to
serve. Ask everyone you know to bring a few teacups. Of course, you have to play
croquet. Since we can't play with hedgehogs that walk away and flamingoes that don't
cooperate, throw a few obstacles into the game. I arranged my croquet course to start
on our concrete patio. We had to hit the balls down the patio, up a grate, across the
deck, down the gravel path at the other end, past the rose bushes, across more gravel,
onto the lawn, over the bridge, through the tunnel, and back to where we started. And
we still had all the wickets to contend with too. So there you have it, the perfect
party to celebrate the spirit of late spring.
Now get to it, all of you. I expect to see all of you out there frolicking your butts
off. This is the time to let yourselves go, enjoy the freedom of life, celebrate the
season of love and sex, and just have fun with everything you do.
"WITCH TIT?" "MY RITE
TIT!"
By BabooKyra
I'd like to start out by saying that I tried to do everything right. I was a
vegetarian. I ate lots of fresh, organic fruis, vegetables, whole grains and seeds and
very little fat. I breast fed my two daughters. I meditated, had a strong spiritual
program and managed stress well. I didn't use recreational drugs, like nicotine,
alcohol and caffeine. Even though my family history is rife with breast cancer, the
women were all post-menopausal when they contracted the disease. (To my chagrin, I
was 51 years old and still menstruating.)
Mabon is a really weird time of the year. On the surface, it's not a very important
Sabbat. It's the time of harvest, thanksgiving, balance. It is also the time that
the Goddess seems to become peri-menopausal.
She's finished with Her duties as Mother. Her daughter has left home to learn her
own lessons, and She has a mild case of empty nest syndrome. She, Herself, has gotten
the explorations of Maiden out of Her system, and is ready to exercise Her role as
Teacher. Being exuberant about this new role, She tends to overreact. She deals out
catastrophic life lessons with joyous abandon.
It always seems the the most momentous things happen during this rather unremarkable
season.
On a Friday morning in early September, I went to our neighborhood clinic. I've been
going there for the last fifteen years or so, for my yearly pap smear and mammogram.
I rarely go in otherwise, since I'm not terribly fond of the medical profession. If
they just refill my scripts, test me occasionally for testable things, and otherwise
leave me alone, I can work within the system.
Actually, I usually have a pretty good time. I can never resist the opportunity to
torment patriarchial, anal retentive types. This encompasses most doctors, lawyers
and accountants. It's almost like the Goddess says, "Here's a nice, big,
over-confident, and arrogant mouse for you to play with, little Leo".
The Pap and gynecological exam went as normal. The doctor (an attractive, youngish and
very uptight Afro-American man), commented that I was bleeding. I explained I had
gotten my moon early, and was on the last days. I didn't see any reason to postpone
my visit. Since I'm peri-menopausal (I love that term), I'm less regular than in the
past.
The nurse was standing there. I couldn't resist telling her that in my religion,
bleeding time was sacred, and that contact with the sacred blood was really an honor.
She immediately perked up with interest and started asking me about my religion. I
started in on my standard lecture regarding the Goddess, menstrual huts, the
patriarchy, the Craft, paganism in general. All while the doctor was trying to
maintain his composure between my legs to get the Pap smear.
I've been coming to the same place for a long time, and know the people there rather
well. I'm not exactly shy and retiring, so I make friends (and enemies) quickly. The
radiology technicians are two Russian women who have been in America for about ten
years, but they still have heavy accents. I love to speak Russian with them, although
I'm not very good at it. Native Russians always seem attempts hilarious. I really
don't know why.
When the tech on duty, Helena, asked me why I was six weeks early for my mammogram, I
explained that I was taking care of business early. My company was on shaky ground.
I needed to take care of everything while we still had health insurance. We were also
trying to leave California and move to Oregon as soon as possible.
All seemed pretty much normal. We were kidding about politics and life while she took
the photos. She left the room to do the initial viewing of the x-rays. When she came
back, I knew immediately that there was a problem. She told me she needed some
additional shots.
I asked her if there was anything wrong. She said that she did not have the authority
to evaluate the x-rays, but I noticed that her face had gone quite white. When she
took the additional pictures, she squeezed my right breast so hard that it left
bruises. This was not in character. She was obviously upset. I told her I knew
something was wrong, but once again she said she couldn't tell me anything. Then she
hugged me. This was not a good sign.
I dressed, and on my way out, in the front office up on the screen were what I knew
were my x-rays. There was a bright star-shaped mass in the very center of my right
breast. With all the publicity and information available, there was no mistaking what
it was. The office told me that the radiologist would be contacting me on Wednesday
of the following week.
I then went directly to Trader Joe's and bought three pounds of dark chocolate
truffles, came home and ate them all.
*********
I decided not to tell my husband and family about my suspicions at that point, but to
wait until after I knew something concrete.
Life had been in utter turmoil for the previous two weeks. My significant other,
Chuck, had just had surgery on both knees. He tore all the tendons while vaulting
furniture during the earthquake of '94.
Lisa, my youngest daughter, had just been blasted out of denial regarding her semi-
spouse and was going through the usual hysteria and rages. Her semi-spouse was in the
depths of remorse and depression. Chuck and I had spent the past week pointing them
both at 12 step programs and trying not to kill him. Everyone in our household was
stressed out to the max.
Now, unknown to me, the doctor called my house on Tuesday when I was at work instead
of on Wednesday as scheduled. He told my husband that I needed to come into the office
the next day. Chuck told Lisa, and, of course, they decided to protect me and to tell
me only when absolutely necessary.
Meanwhile, I had told everyone else--friends at work, spiritual sisters, girlfriends,
etc.
When I came home Tuesday night, my family had ordered my favorite Italian take-out, no
one was arguing, fighting, and Chuck was hovering even more than usual. (He is a
hoverer). I didn't think much of it, grateful for the food and the peace, and just
dodged the most overwhelming TLC.
At 9ish (my usual bedtime), I left my computer and went into the den to say
goodnight. Chuck and Lisa each came over and hugged me. They told me I had a
doctor's appointment the next day. I said, "Is this about my mammogram?". At this
point Lisa said to Chuck, "I told you she knew -- you can't keep secrets from Mom!"
(I foster their impression of my mind-reading abilities--I love being a witch.)
They now knew that my crankiness had not just been due to menopausal mood swings.
Menopause is such a good excuse for so many things: forgetfulness, bitchiness, wearing
weird hats, etc. I'm a very pragmatic person, and I love being humored.
I was fairly sure that the growth was malignant. The three previous matrilineal
generations of my family were rife with breast cancer, so I knew the chances were that
I was genetically at risk. Given that knowledge, I had chosen some time ago to
mitigate the damages. I was a vegetarian, mostly out of guilt. I don't smoke tobacco
or drink alcohol or coffee, generally kept low stress and high humor levels. I have
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, therefore aerobic exercises are out, but I can and do walk
and hike.
Through various 12 step programs, I had worked through my issues for the most part,
and was now speaking to all my living and many of my dead relatives. I liked my job
fairly well. I get along with everyone with whom I choose to get along. However, I
am a witch and always have needed people in my life to annoy. (Theory: If someone is
pompous, arrogant and otherwise anal retentive, they are wearing a target on their
forehead. Who am I to pass up the opportunity to take pot shots at them? In my
opinion, they are just little gifts from the Goddess.)
When I reached the age when croning seemed eminent, I decided not to use a
pharmaceutical approach. I chose to allow my processes to occur normally with help
from my green sisters. I'm an herbalist, so my first choice of treatment of anything
is generally either growing in the nearby wild areas or in my back yard. I prefer
not to take any of the artificial hormones and other medications offered by the
medical profession.
I look forward to croning. I enjoy feeling my kundilini rise during occasional early
hot flashes, feeling my body flush itself by sweating profusely. My moon times no
longer felt infinite; they consequently were to be treasured.
So, in dealing with breast cancer, I chose a threefold approach -- calling on the
energies of the Maiden, Mother and Crone.
For Maiden, it was time to define my emotional state. I believe that everything is of
the Goddess, including cancer. However, like the grains, there is an appropriate time
for growth and a time for harvest. I visualized the cells as flowers. I told the
cells that it was time to for them to shrink into seed kernels to be reaped by the
surgeon. I avoided any kind of adversarial relationship. I was not going to war with
my own body.
While I felt fear, mostly of sharp objects and weird toxic chemicals in the hands of
strangers, I have not been angry. The situation called for a harvest not battle. It
was the time to remove the grains and grasses that have gone to seed from the herb
garden, the nuts from the trees, and the cells from my breast.
For my work with the Mother, I stressed cell nourishment. I have always felt that
cancer cells are beings who do not get some kind of vital nutrient, and thus are
always hungry no matter how much they consume. To satisfy that hunger, they take from
those beings surrounding them and start growing too much. This causes the adjoining
cells to hunger and do the same -- and so it spreads. This is strictly my own
theory. Therefore, rather than hating, fearing and trying to destroy the cells, I
worked to feed my whole body in a way that would provide as many diverse nutrients as
possible.
I went through all my herbals, reading everything on traditional tumor reducing plants
and those which would increase the health of my immune system, as the whole process
including surgery, stress and exposure to infection would strain it to the maximum..
The ones I chose to work with specifically were Red Clover, Burdock Root,
Dandelion, Sassafras, Yellow Dock, Nettles, Astragalus, Gingko Biloba,
MilkThistle, Beta Carotene, Pau d'Arco and Co-Enzyme Q-10.
Additionally, I had thrown off my potassium level by eating all that chocolate (it was
worth it -- my drug of choice), so I increased the amount of bananas, avocado,
dandelion and cantaloupe in my diet. I would deal with the extra calories later.
Probably.
As anti-infective agents, I used Golden Seal and Echinecea, Amantadine and fresh
St. John's Wort from my garden. I continued to use Motherwort to keep on an even
emotional keel. At the doctors' offices, the nurses asked what substances I was
taking. I told them "herbs," and they wanted to know which ones. When the list
reached about fifteen they told me to forget it and just keep doing what I was
doing.
Finally, for magic and acceptance, I approached the Crone. The timing was perfect.
Mabon, autumn equinox, is the last grain harvest and the time for gathering fruit,
roots and nuts. There were open rituals the weekends before and after Mabon. The
next Sabbat would be Samhain, the blood harvest.
When the nurse called to confirm my appointment, I told her that this visit would be
my interview of the surgeon, and not just his evaluation of my case. It was very
important that I made sure that he knew from the outset that we would be working
together as a team.
Given that the doctor's patronymic was Lim, I thought he was Chinese. To confirm
this, I asked the nurse if he was Oriental. She sounded a little startled, and said
yes. I then asked where he had been born. When she told me China, I told her how
pleased and relieved I was. I figured that although he received his medical training
in the United States, his fundamental background would be more in line with my
approach than some cut-em-up member of the College of Surgeons. (I'm a wort witch and
an herbal healer, and I hold grudges.) I know a doctor who is a vascular surgeon and
loves slasher movies. Would you want this person approaching you with sharp objects
while you were unconscious?
When I went in for my appointment, I came prepared. I brought my favorite American
herbal, Susun Weed's Menopausal Years, and my Chinese/English/Latin herbal, The
Barefoot Doctor, which I had picked up at a Fundamentalist Church rummage sale for
fifty cents. (I love rummage sales, garage sales, swap meets and all other forms of
treasure hunting. You can get great pagan stuff at church fund-raisers really
cheap.)
When I spoke to Dr. Lim, I spoke directly to him as a person reared in China who
remembered his Grandmother's tonics and the local acupuncturist. When I showed him The
Barefoot Doctor, and the herbs I had marked for use, I could feel him respond. He
even looked different, somehow softer. Then he read the passages I had marked in
Chinese, and told me he was very glad I was using this approach in addition to
"modern" medicine. I knew I could work with him.
Dr. Lim felt that he would probably be performing a lumpectomy since the tumor
appeared to be aggressive. However, he would not know exactly what he would do until
he had a pathologist's report on the growth. This decision would take place during
the surgery. I felt I had nothing to be gain by delay, and a lot to be lost, so I
decided to do it to it. He scheduled me for surgery the following Wednesday, which
happened to be the day the waning Moon entered Cancer.
This gave me five days to prepare myself on every level.
Over the next few issues, I will take you through each and every step of the way. I
hope it serves to help others and their families that may be going through this. With
faith, you can make it through anything.
Kyle's First Ritual (Age 6)
By Alywn
After watching Practical Magic on HBO and watching mom clean out her magic cabinet,
Kyle requested to do "magic" with Mommy. Long talk about the difference between
pretend AD&D type magic, movie magic (no one gets to physically fly) and the kind
of magic mommy does. Talk didn't stick really. Oh well.
It is raining (pouring) so we do it in livingroom. Coffee table gets washed and
becomes makeshift alter. Laid out alter with 4 natural beeswax candles as scented
and colored candles often carry stuff that is deadly to birds. Moved birds out of
room just in case. Metal candleholders for north and south, glass for east and west.
Baby cauldron in middle with chalice (mine is wooden) filled with water to west, plate
of cornbread north, wand east and smudge stick south. Athame lay pointing north. (I
associate athame with earth although I don't ever actually plunge her into the
ground.)
I had decided beforehand to KISS the ritual, so we lighted candles and we turned off
lights in room. We had talked about geography of the circle aforehand, defining it
by where the edges of the furniture were. Light smudge stick and use it to purify
Kyle than give it to him and with mommy on knees, he purifies me. We take a few deep
breathes and let them out slowly.
I hold my athame, Kyle holds smudge stick.
I face north and call:
"Guardians of the North, Power of Earth, join us in our circle. Lend us your strength
and protection. Watch over Kyle as this is his first magic."
Facing East:
"Guardians of the East, Power of Earth, join us in our circle. Lend us your strength
and protection."
Facing South:
"Guardians of the South, Power of Earth, join us in our circle. Lend us your strength
and protection."
Facing West:
"Guardians of the West, Power of Earth, join us in our circle. Lend us your strength
and protection. Watch over and guide Kyle, for he is a child of water."
Face North and place athame on alter.
Kyle then takes smudge stick and circles round again (fire and air). I take chalice
of water and circle round third time. (water)
"The circle is now closed. Let no one enter but in peace. Let no one leave, but in
love."
We sit on ground facing each other. I instruct Kyle to close his eyes and we take
several more deep breathes. I tell him to picture in his mind's eye our house,
circled around and covered by bright yellow sunlight. I tell him to meditate on the
image for a moment. He understands meditation because they meditate at the end of
karate class.
We chant 9 times, each time a little faster:
"I am protected by your might
Gracious Goddess day and night
Thrice around the circle's bound
Evil sink into the ground."
I say a little prayer:
"Goddess protect us that no evil, no disease, no lack enter our home. 'An it harm
none, so mote it be."
Kyle repeats:
"So mote it be."
We take a sip of water and a bite of cornbread. Kyle says cornbread tastes different
because of the spell!
We rise. I take my athame: face the 4 directions, one at a time and say.
"The circle is broken and unbroken. Gracious Guardian, thank you for joining us and
lending us your strength and protection. Go in peace and come again. So mote it
be."
Kyle repeats: "So mote it be" After each direction is released (with coaching from
mom.)
Kyle puts out the candles widdershin and at mommy's direction takes the remaining
cornbread out and scatters it to the birds. (Always give back to the Earth!) Gets a
kiss from mommy and runs to tell daddy all about it! (Daddy is currently more or less
agnostic, or so he says.)
And so it went. Before he went to sleep tonight, I heard him ask the Guardians to
watch him in his sleep! Too cute. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed
doing it.
