SECTION II - FAMILY ISSUES

Promoting Pagan Family Values - Selene SilverWind
Moon Time and Maidenhood - Kyra

Promoting Pagan Family Values
By Selene Silverwind
Slvrwind@aol.com

"Oh the weather outside is frightful," or so the song says. It's winter and in many places, the outdoors are blanketed in snow and frost, or at the very least, are too cold to enjoy. So it's time to nudge the Goddess awake and remind her that spring is just around the corner and it's time for her to get back to work.

Even if your plants haven't yet begun to peek up through the earth, it is still a good time to make garden stepping stones with your children. You can find stepping stone kits at the craft store or get a small bag of cement mix and a couple flat plastic pans. First have your children map out the design on a piece of paper. Use whatever beads, baubles, seeds, glass pebbles, acorns, or other craft items you can find in your home to create a design for the stones. A sun or flower would be the perfect Pagan expression of the approaching spring, but anything your children feel represent spring is appropriate. Once they have completed the design, mix the cement as directed on the package and pour into the molds. Let it set just long enough to hold the design and press the pattern just into the surface. Your children may also wish to write their names in the cement. Let the stones harden completely, then wait for a sunny day and set the stones where your garden will be when it breaks through the surface. Set the stones in the garden. Have your children invite the Goddess to come have a look and remember what spring is like.

A smaller version of the previous craft that you can bring to your child's classroom is rock painting. Gather 30 smallish round stones, just large enough to fit in a child's hand, and bring them to your child's school with poster paints and brushes. (Ask the teacher, she probably has everything you need.) Let the children put their creative spirits to work painting a winter scene on one side of the rock and a spring scene on the other. While they paint, explain what is happening under the earth as the plants prepare for spring. When they are done, set the rocks aside to dry and provide a snack of sun-shaped sugar cookies and apple juice. When the rocks are dry, the children can take them home and put them in their own gardens, snow side up. Tell that that as soon as they see the first hint of spring, they should turn over the rocks to help welcome the new season.

'Tis the season for empty sidewalks and bare patches of yard. But it's not too cold to have a candle party. Invite all your friends and neighbors to come together for a candle exchange. Each person should bring one candle. Sometime in the middle of the party, bring gather everyone in the main room for a white elephant type exchange, except in this version, everyone is sure to get something they can actually use. You can also provide thick pillar candles and thin sheets of rolled wax for the children at your party who can cut shapes out of the wax with cookie cutters and stick them on their pillars to make their own unique party favors.

Spring will be here soon, but rather than watch out the window in breathless anticipation of the new life about to burst from the ground, take pleasure in this special time of pre-birth. A time of quiet and the warmth of the hearth.

(Editors note: This article was ran in an issue last year, but because of the importance of the issue discussed will gladly be ran again. The Wolfpup)

MOON TIME AND MAIDENHOOD
By Baboo Kyra Finch

The women in my family reach their first bloods early. I was 10. I had just seen Peter Pan. It was traumatic!

The arrival of first bloods, sprouting breasts and hair, a passion for totally inappropriate romances and a mouth beyond belief, can be disconcerting for parents looking forward to a couple more years of childhood. Just hang in there. Remember what you did to your parents and know that this passes -- in about 10 years.

Knowing the imminent signs, I attacked the change vigorously. Both my daughters were dancers, taking classes at, not a ballet school, but "an academy." This meant five days a week, uniforms, and eating disorders.

It was a given that they would not use pads but would need to use tampons. They had seen girls using pads under their leotards, and decided death was a better choice.

Of course they knew the mechanics of their bodies. My older daughter asked the appropriate questions at the appropriate times and received appropriate answers. My younger daughter listened to every word and knew absolutely everything way too early. But then, my youngest was born a teenager and it was just a matter of chronology for her to catch up with herself.

My approach to masturbation was to tell them to do it well and enjoy it
thoroughly. I suggested that they would not be able to advise someone else as to pleasing them without knowing how to do it themselves. This advice created the need for a short lecture on keeping it a private activity out of courtesy to other family members.

When they exhibited enough characteristics, (hair, mouth, breasts, etc.) to indicate that bleeding was immanent, I bought them a box of tiny, slender, dainty maiden tampons and told them to PRACTICE! This way, when they did get their first blood, they wouldn't have to deal with the mechanics of tampons for the first time. This plan worked out very well and both daughters have said they were grateful that their first bloods were so easy.

First bloods are a time of joyousness, mystery, entrance into the circle of women... cramps, hormones, attitude... Prepare a "Blood Box." It should contain:

T A box of tampons, a box of pads or whatever method you've chosen between you for absorbing blood.
T A large chocolate bar (I prefer dark, light is for wimps, white isn't chocolate at all).
T A good book of choice, sci fi, romance, easy to read and absorbing (pardon the pun, I couldn't resist).
T Motherwort and/or Vitex tincture.
T Chamomile tea.
T A handkerchief or tissues.
T The TV remote.
T A Moon Pillow.

Restock monthly.

For cramping here are some remedies: Vitex (Chaste Tree Berry) tincture, catnip and catmint, and Motherwort tincture.

Chamomile tea is also a relaxant and an antispasmodic. Be sure of the quality because there is some lousy product out there. Chamomile should be Belgian or German, never Roman. It should smell strongly of apples mixed with pineapples, and be all flower heads , no foliage. It's very easy to grow in both garden and pots, and then you can be sure of the quality of the herb. Keep the flowers picked during the growing season and dry them in a basket. Once the flowers are thoroughly dry, keep them in a dark glass or ceramic jar with a tight lid.

I always prefer growing my own herbs or wildcrafting, as I have no faith whatsoever in the commercial "health food" industry.

Moon Pillow: Go to a feed store and get some pigeon feed. Millet is an excellent choice . Dump it into a large old sock, not too full, and sew the end closed. Put this in the microwave for a minute, longer if necessary, until it's comfortably warm. Put this over your womb. You'll find it to be amazingly soothing.

You can get very fancy and make the pillow out of hand-dyed silk, hemp, or the remnants of your daughter's "blanky." Add some herbs such as lavender, rosemary, and mint, to contribute a bit of aromatherapy.

Herbal bath: Comfrey is good for any kind of sore muscles, including uterine and pelvic girdle spasms. Take fresh or dried comfrey, some lavender, chamomile and rose petals, and, once again, put them in an old sock. (I never throw away socks.)

Tie the sock shut, put it in the tub and run very hot water to two or three inches. Let the herbs steep for about fifteen minutes, then fill the tub. Some Epsom salts are also nice. Add daughter, chocolate, a good book, and soak until attitude improves. Send her on her way, take the book, get another chocolate and get into the tub yourself. You probably need it more than she does.

First moon ritual can be with mother and daughter, all female family members, all family members, coven, and/or Pagan community. How big a to-do you create depends on how private your daughter is about herself. She should be the one to decide.

I was at a Dianic camp-out with about seventy-five other women, when one eleven-year-old bled for the first time. She was ecstatic! We had a ritual that night with all the women sharing their experiences, giving her gifts and welcoming her into the circle of women. The child gave us all what every female should have as a right of passage. She wore her red girdle proudly, complained smugly about cramps and crankiness, and turned down granola for chocolate. It was an awesome experience.

I make wreaths and wristlets out of pomegranate flowers and rose buds strung on copper wire for Moon gifts.

A sample ritual:

The participating women gather as close as possible to the first bloods. This is a time of women's mysteries. I prefer to keep the ritual Dianic. If that's not possible, however, a loving and supportive father can fill the bill. If the new maiden wants the whole community, go for it. It's her time and her rite.

This is a time for the young maiden to receive gifts: her first besom, an atheme to replace the child's wand, a small cauldron, a red robe or skirt, and other tools of her Craft.

The maiden can cast the circle, using her broom and/or atheme for the first time. In calling the quarters, invoke Goddesses whose archetypes will give strength and protection to a head-strong and adventurous young woman. For instance, Athena for air -- giving the wisdom not to get into too much trouble. O Shun, fresh wild water, Goddess of gentle passions and sweet romances. Pele, fire of the inner Earth, burns those who mean harm to and women. Gaia, earth, the strong, supportive, comforting Mother, healer of the inevitable broken hearts, and, in the center, herself, embodying the Goddess in her young body, mind and spirit!

Going around the circle, each woman can share her experiences with
bleeding, handy hints regarding the care and feeding of the female body, information regarding the opposite sex, and any other Woman's Mystery. Give time for the Maiden to ask any questions she may have and receive answers and advice.

Share a libation of red juices. Eat juicy fruits, such as mangoes and peaches, and Moon cookies, sugar cookie circles painted with red icing.
Pass the juice, "May you never thirst",
the food, "May you never hunger",
and a kiss, "May you never want for love."

Join hands and raise energy with the MAA chant. Release the energy, stating: "Now we set this power free; to our circle, we welcome thee; as we do will, so mote it be; as we do will, so mote it be!"

Ground. Pass the hankies and the food.

My matrilineal line tends toward breeding women. My grandmother had three sisters and one brother. My grandmother birthed my mother and her sister. I was one of three sisters and I have two daughters. My sister went and threw a monkey wrench into the works when her second child was a boy. I didn't believe it until I checked. Yup, a boy. He is a dear.

The relationship between mothers and daughters is a complicated and painful one. The story of Persephone and Demeter, or Kore and Ceres if you prefer, epitomizes this relationship. Mother and daughters love one another, play and garden and dress each other in flowers and leaves. Then, daughter develops into maiden and runs off with your worst nightmare and "goes to hell in a handbasket."

Mother is despondent. She weeps. She wonders what she did wrong. She misses her daughter terribly, but if her daughter calls, she can't resist pointing out all her faults. Daughter rarely calls.

Finally, mother creates something new. In the myth, it was a new season -- winter. She changes, has quests, adventures, and finds that having some free time isn't such a bad thing after all. But she continues to miss her daughter, painfully.

Finally, the daughter returns, but she is no longer a child. She is secure as a separate person, and has found her own identity. They look at each other clearly, and discover that not only are they alike, but both of them, horrors, are just like Grandma!

Rejecting the mother is a vital part of the maiden experience. Women who's mothers die or leave, and who cannot go through this process, always feel stuck in the nymph mode. They choose people whom they can reject, or who reenact the leaving of the mother. They can't grow up until they cut the tie.

Dad, if you have a daughter who does not have a mother, a good exercise is to invite a dead or absent mom to Samhain Dumb Supper. The daughter can just go ahead and reject her. The next year, invite her again and let your daughter forgive her. Repeat as needed.

There is your beautiful daughter, on whom you've showered thousands of dollars worth of ballet lessons, trendy clothes, and the toys you swore you would never buy (Barbi dolls) . Suddenly she takes off with someone you can't stand. Take heart. She'll be back. Trust me.