SECTION IV - THE CAULDRON - PART 1
Appreciate - Lorelei
Awakening - Gina~
Balance and Grounding with the Goddess - Memory Red Wolf
Mystic Moon - ~Rain
Michael and Beth Chronicles - Selene SilverWind
Isha's Beginnings, and Lessons Learned - Isha ArrowHawk
Can I speed up my progress? - Kim Robertson
Earth - MoonSongstress
Mangos - tsingtao
Awakening
By Gina~
The townspeople who had gathered to gloat and accuse had since dispersed. She had heard their whispers and welcomed their callousness. They were senseless thoughts from little people.
"How can I ever be forgiven for such a heinous and evil act. The town's people were not my friends and even now they call me witch for befriending this murderous creature that I have now destroyed. But I befriended nothing, there was no time ... I did not seek this deadly hunter out in the woods or did I. Why did it come to me?"
Only the darkness heard her cries as she knelt down to confess her sin to the Fates.
"Oh I should have seen, this creature was not my enemy just as those self centered village knits are not my friends. Even in its ghoulish ways, it would not have hurt me. I sensed its intentions and they were not evil. Oh what shame, what cowardice have I brought upon myself? I have forsaken my heart for that voice of fear, not just the fear of being alone but that ever present fear, the fear of death."
The smell of blood from it's mortal wound drifted thick as she slid her hand slowly from the top of the creatures head down his muscular back. Her voice softened as she tried to make sense of it all.
"I felt this magnificent creature's warmth and love as it wrapped around my legs. I felt it's unyielding power as I brushed my hand down it's back, a power over my life or my death yet I felt no fear.
It's sleek, black fur the shade of a starless night. Was it the color, its eyes? No! It was my shameless inability to define and recognize what was real, forsaking something I could feel - this creature's warmth, love and acceptance for a wish, a hoped for a place of my own, a home in that circus. The same one that now brands me 'a lover to Satan'."
She berated herself about her childish and unrealistic desires.
"A home among the many, to live and belong but at what price. Look at this carnage I have wreaked on this poor beast. Nothing with love and beauty within should be cheated out of life, yet I cheated it. No greater price could it have paid for my hopes and dreams. A price that it paid for nothing. Even if I found a place among them I would see it was not my home nor would I ever feel as though I belonged. Oh, how my soul aches from this horror I see before me. Shall I ever find my way out of this immeasurable sorrow. Oh Fates, to have but a moment in time to follow a different path from this one I must now follow, I would proudly pay your asking price."
She laid her head upon the now lifeless body and sobbed her pleas to the great black beast.
"Betrayal, oh such betrayal, that is what darkens my soul now. From this useless sacrifice I relinquished what could have been. I have taken from the universe your beauty and grace for a chance to grasp for something so ceremoniously deceiving, safety in this life. Those towns people may have been fodder for you but it was your right, as it is every creatures to sate your hunger."
She shook her fists.
"Who am I, in my insignificance to judge one so proud and powerful as you? Yet I did become your judge, jury and executioner in less than a breath. To protect and be accepted as one of those small mindless villagers, I took advantage of trust given without expectation that was nothing less than a gift from the Fates. Can a wise noble creature as yourself ever forgive a tainted yet repentant soul such as mine."
Lifting her head, she saw the villagers returning. They were coming to collect and burn their fears before they were consumed by them. They were coming to burn her for their ignorance. She laid her head back down and whispered one last thing to the beast she had with such skill, dispatched from this hell.
"Forgive me?"
Her tears moistened the noble beasts pelt as she lifted her head. Looking out into the darkness of the woods. Smiling, she realized why she did not run. There, a short distance from her lay the panther. There he would wait for soon she was to join him.
Gina~
Balance and Grounding with the Goddess
By Memory Red Wolf
One of the predominant themes of the Festival of Ostara is balance. Day is equal to night and night to day. From the death and bitterness of winter emerges the birth and luster of spring. It is one of those cusp times where we stand at a doorway and find ourselves betwixt and between, in limen -- winter on the one side and the impending summer season on the other. Each standing opposite, yet unopposed at their respective ends of the scale, balanced at this time by the Vernal Equinox itself.
This image of balance and how it pertains to this time of year has come into my mind quite frequently as of late while performing a grounding exercise. This exercise involves an energy exchange with the Goddess in her Earth Mother aspect.
The grounding exercise begins in a flat kneeling position: feet under the buttocks, soles up with chest collapsed against the top of the thighs, elbows and forearms touching the ground, and forehead to the floor. This exercise is best performed outdoors in the light of the spring Sun.
Visualize a goddess of the Earth: dark skin of the hue of the very soil, rich and deep, laying in wait in the Earth's center in much the self-same flat kneeling position as you find yourself. She begins to emerge from this center, from the hard rock of the core; there she anchors her toes, firmly rooting them in that transformative point. Her body stretches up from that pulsing heart and extends through every layer of the Earth, moving unscathed through molten magma, pushing through layers of sediment and rock, clay, stone, and gravel, merging and acquiring richness and soil as she rises to meet you. Her hands lay in the darkness of the Underworld as yours lay wait in prayer in the world above. They meet, in perfect balance, at the floor.
Holding your hands together there, your two bodies form a circuit of energy continuously feeding one another. The Goddess draws the very strength and fertility of the Earth up and into your body from her hands to yours. You take what is needed and give back any excess. When you have both filled the vessels of your two bodies with energy, the Goddess will take that which you no longer need back to the Earth center. She will cup the energy from your hands into hers (perhaps a slight glow will be exchanged between your palms) and she will begin to draw herself back down into the heart of the Earth from whence she came. Traveling back again through gravel, stone, clay, rock, coating herself in layers of sediment, traveling unscathed through molten magma, finding her toes anchored to the center of the Earth. It is at this point that she assumes the self-same flat kneeling position within the heart, housing the energy there.
Once you feel her at home in the heart, slowly lift your head, your chest, and your arms, and come easily to a standing position. Recognize your connection to the Earth and the balance in your existence. You are thus grounded and ever-connected...
Blessed Be!
Memory Red Wolf
alizon@earthaura.com
Mystic Moon
Chapter 13, "The Northern Wind"
Written by ~ G. Rain
It was a peaceful quiet morning. Yet, I was restless from a long night of haunting dreams. I had the morning off but my mind was trapped by those ghostly images lingering still.
"Let me see, Gwen, siting, drinking a cup of coffee early on her day off." Jane said fumbling around with her keys as she ran about the kitchen."Weird dreams again?"
"Yes, as always." It was cold in the apartment even with the heat on so I wrapped my hands around the coffee mug hoping for warmth. Jane sat down in the chair across from me, she had that best friend concerned look in her eyes.
"I am sure you'll figure everything out soon. Did you try the spells Shara gave you?" Jane asked as she unbuttoned her coat.
"I tried what seems like all the spells and charms in the world but this figure in my dreams, this man if you could call him that, won't leave me alone." I looked at the clock, Jane was going to be late for work if she had stayed any longer. I told her just that, "Kid, you should get to work. I'll be fine."
"Nothing but paperwork and e-mails." Jane said with a hesitant smile. "What do you think Miss
Morgana?" She asked the black cat as she stretched along the kitchen floor still waking up from a long mornings rest.
"How was your date last night?" I said changing the subject.
"It was really nice. I think Josh is a keeper. He is different from all those other guys." Jane said softly as she gazed off into her memories.
"Go to work, I'll be fine. I am a strong person." I mumbled as kindly as I could without sounding rude. So Jane got up and poured more coffee into my cup, tapped my shoulder and left for work.
After finishing that second cup of coffee I got up, put the cup into the sink, and said good morning to my sleepy familiar. As I turned around I notice that I left a spoon on the table. When I picked it up, there was a loud thump from the apartment above. The spoon left my hand and as if in slow motion it fell to the wooden floor.
A cool breeze came from nowhere making the little hairs on my neck stand on end. I glanced down at the spoon; it was still spinning slowly on its side. The sound scraping on the floor like a deep methodic whisper. I didn't pay attention to the time, or how long it was in movement. All I know is that when it finally stopped the spoon was pointing due north.
It was an omen. And I knew exactly what it meant. Miss Morgana hid under the kitchen table; I think she knew what it meant too. I remember picking it up and inspecting it. Perhaps in hope it wasn't real or maybe it was defected in some way. But then I thought, how many spoons are defective?
"The northern wind calls, something or someone is coming." I said and threw the spoon into the sink and turned my back on it. I still had to face the day, clean the apartment, and get to work.
"Oh Miss Morgana, come out from under there. I am sure its nothing. Both of us are just . . ." I didn't even finish my sentence, the phone rang and my nerves already on end, responded quickly. My heart raced and a feeling of no air nearly made me pass out. "Hello?" I asked into the speaker, " Hello, who is there ?"
______________________________________________________________
It turned out that the phone call was from Shara and she was at the mystic moon shop. She said she needed to talk to me so she asked if I was able to come in earlier. When I had arrived, Mona was there too. I knew something was up but nobody said anything. I assumed that they received the warning from the northern wind too. But, the always-talkative pair seemed almost silent. When the subject came up, the only thing Shara would say was to be careful and heed all warnings. Mona simple agreed.
That night I figured I wouldn't get any sleep but, I was wrong about that. As soon as my head hit the pillow I was gone and off into dream world. The dark haired mystery man in my dreams appeared as usual. That time, wearing all white he asked me one question, "Do you trust me?" I was hesitant at first but finally I replied "yes" simple, and straightforward, yes I trusted him.
After that weird exchange of words, there was a loud repetitive noise. He looked at me and faded away into the darkness. His last words were, " Go now and I will be with you." I didn't understand what he meant at the time but later on I would.
When I awoke the pounding noise still echoed my bedroom. In a sleepy haze, disillusioned by my dream, I tried to grasp my surroundings. The time glared red from my alarm clock, 2:30 am. Something was wrong. The sound rumbled in my head, suddenly it clicked, I realized what it was. The door, someone was at the door. I stumbled over my bed, ran through the hallway, grabbed the bat hidden behind the coat rack and grasped the cold handle of the door.
"Who's there?" I asked trying to be stern, swallowing my fear. " What do you want?"
"Gwen, its me Mona, open up." Mona's voice called sounding out of breath, and exhausted. I quickly undid the locks and opened the door. Mona stood slouched, semi-bent over with a person cling tightly to her arm. I was as if Mona was the only thing holding him or her up.
I knew Mona was a good soul, a friend who wouldn't put me in danger. So, as a friend of her's I escorted them both in and closed the door. In the moonlight that shown through the windows, I was able to see the person Mona grasped. It was a woman, young with purple hair.
"Mona?" She has purple hair." I stated, and started to pull all the piece of the puzzle together. I knew her, not Mona but the girl, I knew who she was.
"I'll explain everything in a minute Gwen, just help me get her over to the sofa." Mona said, as if reading my very thoughts. The woman started to shiver, yet her arm was burning hot. At that moment I saw the seriousness of the situation.
"Mona, she is really sick." I whispered as we helped her on the purple couch. I smiled for split second realizing that the woman's hair matched my sofa.
"This is Belinda, she works at Jave Joe our usual coffee house that we go to. Anyway, she was on her way to the hospital." Mona was going to continue but Jane came storming out of her bedroom, into the living room.
"Is it too much to ask for a decent nights sleep?" She said with anger in her voice. Then she noticed something was different. "Mona, is that you? What are you guys doing? Are you working a spell without me?"
"Morning Jane, sorry to wake you. I just need Gwen's help for a few minutes. Maybe you should get back to sleep." Mona glanced in my direction. Then back to Jane. "I promise we will keep our voices down."
"Something is wrong here, and I have a right to know. Remember we made a promise with each other, no secretes." Jane said sternly.
"Ok fine, stay." I said not wanting to start an argument that early in the morning." Mona, please go on, tell us what this is all about!"
"Ok. She was on her way to the hospital because she was feeling awful, and had been feeling this way for quiet some time now. So she called my house from her car phone. I had given her my number incase she needed me. I told her to come by my place first and we'd go together. But, and here is the interesting part." Mona said starting to whisper. She pulled Jane and myself away from the couch and finished what she was saying . . ." On the way to the hospital she told me a little about what's been going on."
"And that would be, what exactly?" I asked confused.
" She is sick because someone is making her sick." Mona replied.
"You mean something right?" Jane said butting in.
"No, someone. You see sometime ago when all of us were at the coffee house, Belinda, our favorite purple haired waitress told me about a love spell she'd preformed. This wasn't just any love spell mind you, it was a black magick , controlling through and through. I got mad because every time she came to the shop I'd warn her about such spells."
"I remember that. You got so mad at her. I knew it wasn't like you to be that mad." Jane was confused so she started to get frustrated. "Ok, got it evil black magick love spell but what's that got to do with Belinda getting sick?"
"The love spell went completely arye, as most do, may I add. An she asked me to help her reverse the spell." Mona stopped and became silent for a few moments." I said 'no.' I told her that it was her mess and she needed to fix it."
Belinda moaned and all three of us looked in her direction. "It's him. He is doing this to me." She said in a tiny voice filled with pain. I looked to Mona for answers. She seemed to be the only one in the room who had them.
"The spell asked for the caster to write down some characteristics that they wanted in their perfect mate. So, she did just that. She asked for a powerful, handsome man who is also practitioner of the black arts." Mona said as she covered the shivering girl with a blanket.
"We should call Shara." I said as soon as the thought filled my mind.
"I already did." Mona said, "she is coming with supplies as we speak."
Jane let out a big yawn and leaned against the back of the sofa. "Alright so she is sick, because of him for some reason who knows. Anyway, don't you guys think the hospital would help more than Shara's 'healing herbs'?"
"Magick caused it, so Magick can cure it." Mona said looking at Jane.
"Alright, we aren't doing any help just standing around talking." I said observantly. "Mona put on some water for tea, Jane get some candles for light. I'll get our guest more comfortable." Although I didn't say it, my real reason for getting Mona and Shara out of this was to get answers out of Belinda. If I were going to help her, I'd need some information directly from the source.
"You want answers right?" She said intuitively. " Well Gwen, the truth is I did a stupid thing and now I am going to pay the price for it." Immediately, I felt sorry for her and any resentment over what she did left me. Just as I was about to sit down on the edge of the couch there was a knock at the door. It was
Shara, so I got up and let her in.
"Thank the Goddess your here." I said truthfully, as I gave Shara a hug hello.
"I know dear, I know." Shara said taping me on the shoulder. I took the large shopping bag from her and handed it to Mona.
"Don't you worry Gwen, we will handle this together right?" She said in her usual motherly tone to assure me.
"Yes, together." I replied, instantly feeling better. " Come sit down, I was just talking with Belinda about how this all started." Shara and I sat by Belinda and drank some of Mona's special herbal tea. We listened intensely to the story.
"I guess I'll start at the beginning. My spell worked. I found a man; he came into the coffee house almost out of nowhere. From the second I approached his table in the corner, we clicked. During out first date he was so charming and mysterious." She stopped and tried to hold back her tears. " The second date was another story. I told him everything about myself, my hopes, and my dreams. We talked for what seemed like hours on end, mostly about me. When it came to talking about him, he'd just change the subject back to me."
"So tell us dear, when did you start getting sick ?" Shara asked Belinda.
"When we broke up he wouldn't except it. He said that we were supposed to be together forever. I thought maybe eventually he'd get the message but after a while I started to feel tired all the time. With every passing day my health would get worse. Along with the dead flowers and threatening notes I received in a couple of months, I was a wreak. This past week I've been sick as a dog."
"And let me guess, he can get into your mind too? You feel as if you're going mad?" Shara said sternly. All of us looked in Shara's direction.
"Shara, your not saying what I think your saying are you?" I asked.
"Yes my dear, I am." Shara replied. The room went silent and still. We heard raindrops fall on the windows. First it was a drizzle than seconds later a downpour.
"My friends, we are dealing with a psychic vampire." Shara said breaking the silence and speaking the unfathomable truth.
"Then we do what we have to do." Mona kicked in.
"And what's that?" Jane asked
"Get out the garlic, hold on to your seatbelts because we've got a vampire to stake. That is, magically of course."
Michael and Beth Chronicles
Moving Day Part 2
By Selene Silverwind
SeleneSilverwind.com
(In the last episode, Michael and Beth got engaged and Gary and Mark were
handfasted.)
Moving day finally arrived for Angela. The movers did all the work, then she, James, and the kids hugged their former neighbors goodbye, made promises to stay in touch, and left to set up their new home.
"Okay, so how are we going to do this?" Anacati asked the remaining tenants gathered in the courtyard.
"Well, Angela's place just needs to be cleaned," Kyra said. "And then we can move Gary and Mark's stuff in, then clean their place, then move Michael and Beth's stuff. Are you all packed?"
Gary and Mark, fresh from their honeymoon in Hawaii, looked at each other and nodded. "We were ready to go before we left."
Michael and Beth looked at each other and grimaced. "Not even close," Beth said. "We don't know whether to carry it all in pieces or box everything up."
"Box some, don't box other stuff," Anacati suggested. She looked pointedly at Beth. "Box the books. Your clothes that are on hangers or in the dresser, don't pack. Anything on shelves, pack. But you don't have to seal the boxes."
"Okay, so I'll arrange for the carpet cleaners to come tomorrow, and the other cleaners to come the day after." Kyra said. "Then we can move Gary and Mark's stuff. Then clean their carpets, clean their apartment, then move Michael and Beth." She turned to face both couples. "Paint the apartments however you want, but watch the carpet. I replaced it in all the units last year."
"Wow, she's getting all landlady on us," Mark joked.
"Yeah, watch it or I might institute a no drumming after ten p.m. rule."
"But then you wouldn't be able to drum either," Gary said.
"Hmm, good point. Nevermind. Get to work!"
As Beth turned to leave, she placed her hand on Michael's arm. The sun glinted off the diamond ring on her finger. "Hold it!" Anacati said. "What is that on your hand?"
Blushing, Beth turned back. She glanced at Michael, who was grinning stupidly. "It's a ring."
Anacati and Kyra rushed forward to look at Beth's hand. "It's an engagement ring," they cried in unison, then took turns hugging Beth.
Gary, Mark, and Adam congratulated Michael. "So when's the big day?" Mark asked.
"Oh, not for a year. We need lots of time to plan," Beth said.
"Oh, good," Kyra said. "As much as I loved marrying Gary and Mark, I couldn't handle another one right now. But, I could handle celebrating."
"No, time. We have to pack," Beth said.
"Right. Champagne later. Pack for now."
Michael and Beth returned to her apartment to begin the long task of packing up all her books again. "Didn't I just do this six months ago," she said. The thought of packing up all her stuff one more time was the main reason she'd made so little progress so far. And she was more than a little nervous about living with Michael. It hadn't worked out well when she'd lived with a man before.
"Less, actually. But this time you'll be unpacking for a good long time."
"Yeah, that's what I thought last time," she muttered.
Michael leaned down and placed his lips on hers for a slow, long kiss. "Trust me, it will be."
Beth smiled as she pulled away. "Simmer down. We have work to do."
"Spoilsport."
"Hey, I'm not the only one with way too many books."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are you saying?"
"I'm saying you should do your apartment."
"Alright. I'll be back at bedtime."
Beth kissed him goodbye, then she went back to packing her books. After the door closed, she set down the book and dragged out her journal from her first few days in the building. She'd noted her attraction to Michael, but had been determined not to get involved after her messy relationship with Kurt. How quickly things had changed. Now just a few months later she was engaged to him and getting ready to move in with him. Doubt that she was making a mistake niggled at her heart, but she quickly smothered it by reminding herself that she'd never been this happy before and that everyone else seemed to think their future was fated. She couldn't fathom what her life would be like if she hadn't moved into this specific apartment building. Perhaps it was for the best that Kurt had turned out to be a jerk. If he hadn't she might still be living with him and would never have met Michael.
Mark and Gary had to write a few last thank you notes before they packing up all their gifts. The only gifts that remained were those that seemed strange. "Who gave us that ugly mask?" Mark asked, pointing to an African fertility mask.
"My aunt Trudy."
"And why did she give us that? Neither of us is getting knocked up anytime soon."
"She wants us to adopt. She's desperate for nieces and nephews."
"Right, in a few years we said we would, but we still don't need a fertility mask for that."
"Just say thank you and we'll put it in the closet until she comes to visit."
"Oh, why did I have to marry your family?" Mark mock-moaned. He actually loved Gary's family and couldn't be more delighted that they were as accepting of Gary and Mark's marriage as Mark's family was.
"Hey, at least my family didn't send us three crock pots. We don't cook!"
"My mom wants us to learn. She's desperate for soups and stews."
"Write the darn note, Mr. Smarty-pants."
Chuckling, Mark put pen to paper while Gary folded the mask in newspaper. "Don't wrap it too carefully," Mark warned. "Otherwise it won't break." Then he ducked as a section from the newspaper flew toward his head.
Kyra and Adam were looking over plans in her apartment. With the help of a designer friend, Kyra had decided how to set up Beth's old apartment as a workshop for her booming business. In front of the large window she would put her plants on a rack. A wood table would serve as her work surface. Her supplies would be stored on shelves and hanging racks.
"So what am I building?" Adam asked. Kyra pointed to several items on the chart and Adam blanched. "And when's my deadline?"
"No deadline, but you'd better start working now."
Mumbling, Adam got up to go to the hardware store. He loved his wife, but she knew he was not big on carpentry. Still, he could show Marisa how to use a hammer. It was important for girls to know these things.
As he reached the door, Kyra added one thing. "The article comes out in a week."
So one week was his deadline. He could handle that, except that there was moving happening, he wouldn't be able to enlist any of the other men in the building. That just left
Anacati, who had proved her handiness with a table saw before. And he'd certainly get Marisa on hammering.
Moving Day for Gary and Mark started early. The carpet cleaners were coming in the afternoon, so they had to get all their stuff moved by one P.M. Michael and Beth left off their packing, and Adam and Anacati left off their construction project to help. The pair was moved in record time, just under two hours, except for the computer, which Mark insisted would be the last item taken apart and the first item set-up. After having spent a week in Hawaii e-mail-less, he didn't want to miss another day.
Michael and Beth returned to his apartment to finish packing their stuff. They were due to move the next afternoon and neither of them was anywhere close to ready. That night they stayed up until the wee hours of the morning loading Michael's vast collection of dime-store mystery novels into boxes.
"What are we going to do about your bed?" Beth asked as she set another box by the door.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, we're turning the second bedroom into an office for all our books and computers. No room for a bed in there."
"I'll get a new futon pad. It can be a couch."
"Good plan. Okay, this is going to be pretty simple then."
"What do you say we put that mattress to use one last time?" he asked.
Beth grinned and batted her eyes. "You read my mind."
The next afternoon, Michael and Beth were also moved into their apartment in record time. Then they began the process of merging their belongings, debating what went where, and how many cable channels they needed.
Two days later, a late-afternoon crowing from the inner court brought everyone out of their apartments. Kyra was standing in the middle of the lawn hooting, jumping up and down, and waving a magazine in her hands.
"What's gotten into you?" Anacati asked.
"The advance copy. It's here. My feature. A whole page!"
The others crowded around her for a look at the magazine and crowed about how good it looked.
"I'll retest your website tonight," Mark said.
"And we'd better get your stuff moved in tomorrow," Adam said. "I just finished the benches and shelves."
"I'll stop unpacking and help you move your supplies," Beth said. The others chimed in with agreement.
Once again, the gang got to work moving yet more stuff. They all hoped this would be last of it for a good long while. As Kyra and Beth carried Kyra's rack of baby plants up the stairs, Beth said, "Thank you so much for letting me live here."
"I don't think I had a choice," Kyra said.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I knew that you were meant to be here the moment you knocked on my door."
"I guess it's fate, then. So I'll just have to thank the fates."
Kyra smiled. "And a few words to Brighid wouldn't hurt either."
Beth was stunned. "How did you know she was my matron?"
"She's mine, too. We're a pair. And soon you'll be another pair. I hope you'll let me do the honors."
"Of course. I was going to ask."
"Thank you. Now let's get this moved in, we have lots more to do."
As Beth continued to help the others, she watched them work as a team and knew that she was indeed in the right place. She'd found home.
Isha's Beginnings, and Lessons Learned
By Isha ArrowHawk
In the last issue, I posted an article about helping one of my students overcome some feelings she had about not being 'good enough' to do rituals and things because she didn't have the 'fancy tools' and stuff.
That article got me to thinking about a few things, mainly *my* first shaky steps into the Craft, and my own feelings of not being 'smart enough, good enough, rich enough, insert your own phrase here .. I felt it!' and I decided to start on a series of articles to cover a few basic points. As well as some background about me personally. This is a first for me, because I'm used to doing stand-alone stuff.
First off, I think that perhaps you should know a little about me personally, just so that you'll know I've got the experience to back up my words, ok? So, here goes...go get your pop, snacks, and CD player, this may take a bit. :)
My father was Jewish, my mother a Baptist. Now if that isn't a nice confusing lifestyle ... read on. Dad wanted me to be a practicing Jewess; Mom wanted me to go to church. All well and good, but, I was one confused little girl, going to regular school during the days, Hebrew school twice a week at night, and Sunday school on Sundays! And through all of this, I was not at all comfortable, it just didn't *feel* right. Add to this, my grandmother being full-blooded Cherokee, and a Medicine Woman on top of that, and my poor head was swimming! But, I didn't know where to look, where to turn, what to do. Until...one fateful afternoon in high school, when I stumbled across a large book in the high school library. I was 13 years old at the time.
Curling up in the back on the reference section, I opened that book. It was about Witchcraft, and spells. The usual mainly evil stuff that we have come to be associated with. Or so it said. But, in-between the hogwash, and really off the wall stuff (yes, there was even a spell on how to turn someone into a frog!), things almost jumped off of the pages at me.
I checked that book out, and took it home. Mistake number one. Mom found it and asked me about it. I told her the truth that it made me feel like I'd found something that rang true. Mistake number two. She told my dad. He asked me if I wanted to die. I said no, that seeking the truth about things, and wanting knowledge wasn't a bad thing. Mistake number three. That one got me a very nice beating with a belt. As well as increased Hebrew school lessons, and then, evening study classes at the local church. How I managed to keep up with my homework, as well as make honor roll is something I have yet to figure out. Ok, so .. the parents were out, as far as intelligent and understanding communication was concerned. So, my next visit to my grandmother, I told her...everything. Mistake number .. no, wait ... she understood???
Yuppers. This big smile came over her face, and we spent a very long time talking about the 'Old Ways', and how in a way, Medicine Women were much like the Wise Women often referred to as witches in the history books ... the healers, herbalists, and those falsely accused and killed. Now I'd been studying with my grandmother for a long time, mainly learning about Cherokee ways, and about herbs and natural healing and whatnot. She wasn't a Witch, not that she ever *admitted*, but...who knows? But after I talked to her, the focus of our studies changed. She started teaching me about totems, and meditation, and vision quests, the four directions, etc. And, I started to understand, that there was a way out there, one that I was comfortable with, one that let me be me. It broke my heart when she passed because I know there was so much more to learn!
I still had to walk carefully around my parents, though my mother stopped bugging me about things. I think grandmother may have had a nice talk with her. I read and studied in secret, usually during study halls, or in my room after doing homework. The books were hidden between my bed mattresses. Definitely an 'in the closet' worker at that point.
My dad passed on my 16th birthday. And that was when my first gift came manifest. Grandmother had told me that I had certain gifts that would show when the time was right. She was, as usual, right on in her statement. Two days before he passed, I dreamed of it happening. The third night I dreamed it, was the night before Xmas Eve. I woke up Xmas Eve morning to the ringing of the phone. I looked over at mom who was hurrying to get to the phone and told her not to rush, it was the hospital calling, that dad has passed. She gave me a strange look, answered the phone, and then looked at me with such shock...I was right.
She and I had a nice long talk that morning. She'd hoped that the gifts that ran in the women's side of the family wouldn't come to me. Apparently, most of those women exhibited some sort of gift, be it precognition, enhanced intuition, dream walking, healing, empathy, whatever. She'd had one or two, but forced them deep down inside, not wanting to believe in them at all. I asked her point blank if she was a witch, and she said no, she had just been gifted. I told her then about my studies with grandmother, and she said she'd figured as much. And then, she told me to get the books out from the mattresses and bring them to her; she wanted to see exactly what I'd been reading! Talk about knocking me over with a feather!
Her advice to me after seeing my books, and my diaries (I kept notes on dreams and things even way back then) was to find someone of like mind, to help me. Well .. that was hard to do, considering where we lived at the time. But she told me something that I've heard, and said, and seen in print ever since then, 'When the time is right, you'll find someone.' She said this in 1972. I had no idea that it would be over 10 years before that 'someone' would appear.
But, I studied, everything I could get my hands on. I read books, started working with plants, herbs, sympathetic magick (though I didn't know what it was at the time), and even talked to my family doctor about using herbs and natural remedies instead of expensive pills and stuff. I was now on the road that would begin to shape my life.
Next Part: The Meant-to be Meeting
Earth
By MoonSongstress
Flesh of my flesh, she said as she rolled up
The little ball of wet clay from the cauldron
And fashioned it with deft hands, into me.
Not perfect by any means, but as I lay under
The gaze of my maker she was happy with me
And my eyes were opened. Under her loving
Gaze I knew my worth. My clay warmed and
Hardened under those keen eyes and a shiny
Coat enveloped the imperfections that were
Perfect in her making. Her hand passed over
My eyes. Sleep, she said, and I glazed over in
The cocoon of pink warmth till the time came.
Sleeping like countless sisters and brothers
Of my clay, in the rich liquid of the soup of life
Teeming with all the tiny makers and their
Busyness, I was suspended in dreams of her.
Her stability rested sure beneath the stuff of
My feet. Earth to earth I walked one on the
Other and never felt her sensitive movements
As she swayed in the breeze of time, dancing
A dance full of singular chances and numerous
Miracles which I could only see as safe and
Sound sameness and strength. How did you
Move mountains? By a butterfly's wing beat,
She said. Why did it happen? I asked. Things
Happen, she said, and I could rest in that and
Feel secure in the knowing of it because it
Allowed me to live fully for the present time.
Love lives now and builds itself on foundations
Of memories whilst all the time looking with
Anticipation for the promises to come. Basking
In the now is where our happiness lies deep,
And as I scanned the horizon for shadows of
Wings of future and rested easy on the solid
Warmth of her curving fleshed bones I knew
The liquid of now for my time, a place where
It was right for my growth and flowering, and
Where my little difference would be made.
The long night of preparation was past and
Tomorrow's light to come, but now was here.
Copyright (c) MoonSongstress 2001
Mangos
By tsingtao
<Editors note: I have the honor of dedicating this
to the most beautiful of life's creations. Her name is
Kimberley, and she's now 6 years old. Long life and
only the best life can give to tsingtao's daughter!!
Midnight Grey Wolfpup - Editor>
Wow ..... Father time wipes his bloody scythe, dots the
last full stop in his February book of death. Neatly
places, another chink in life's turbulent game of chance.
Dust will mount, spiders will crawl, ghostly purple mangos
will octopus dance within the confines of scribbled names.
Scholars will come with furrowed brows, half rim glasses,
gypsy fingers, knarled finger nails will...probe through
the neatly lined pages....will they pause, or consider this
particular past February not worthy of their attention.??
Will they push back the chair, rest glasses on bushy
eyebrows, sighing the familier fickleness waveing at
the flickering candle winds down the long dark tunnel of humanity.???
Knowing that they have seen it all before and will most
likely wade through more purple mangos than can ever
be scribbled in the ledger.
Will the ever-increasing bitterness in the bloody Arab
Jewish war burst into a monstrous mushroom of purple
mangos so thickly entwined in useless half baked, half
cocked tales handed down through sticky fingers plucked
from words who's translation no body can be sure as
the real thing.
Do those bombers really believe 70 virgins will be waiting
on the other side and if so just how long will they last in
the realms of eternity....Could I as a pagan resort to such
tactics and if not does that mean my faith, beliefs, are a
mere breadcrumb from the last supper...???? Brushed
off the table for the dogs below.....
There are great words at the moment around St Paul and
if not for him over the great debate of circumcision and other
ear wrenching tracts between the Muslims and then new
Christian faith .... the followers of Jesus would have faded
into a small Jewish sect never to venture from the sands
of the desert....rather than becoming a thorn stuck up
a Muslims camels backside. Can we really know what
was in St Paul's mind ...????.. thousands of years down
the track...or is this just more propaganda flaunted
before ones eyes...if so why...???
Will they ponder over the train trapped, burnt, full of
Hindus returning from some sacred festival...What
indeed is in the Koran ... that these wailing banshee's
feel drawn to melt out death for Alla as if they were
laying tarmac on some super highway to god......
Or will the scholars simply close the book venture
up into the sunlight, gaze at the wonderful girl
sneaking purple mangos from her bag in the reading room
thinking while there is youth there is always hope.
and while there is hope there is youth......
Because I do not know, maybe because winter
has been to long or simply as I become older
Death seems to flow out of the cornflake box
like snap, crackle, and pop...
May spring be soon...
